Strawberry coffee? Glad you’re enjoying it, but I’m going to stick with my usual blend.

Reheating seafood and chewing it open-mouthed.

He does not look well in that photo. It’d be a shame if he shat himself to death before the midterms…

I had a manager once tell me that if I would just work harder, then I wouldn’t have to work as hard. I didn’t ask how her theory works - I was afraid I might understand it.

Why do I have to choose one or the other?

We’re just renaming things now, huh? Then I dub Trump “President Tubbyturd von Fartwrangler the 9th”.

USA is doing first-worlding wrong.

“Our new product is our old product with fewer kicks in the face.”

She’s trying to boil an egg by doing quadratic equations.

If they’re not already motivated by what Trump is doing to the country they may be hopeless cases.

I think you’re spot on.

I think the gnomes are intended to be a humorous subversion of our expectations.

“Come in, come in! I was just thinking of you!”

More than yours!

(Seriously, I’m a big dude.)

They’re so comfortable, too.

And the US government is made up of who? Elected by who? For the presumed benefit of who?

I will accept this burden.

In return I cast Permanently Itchy Butthole.

Subscribe.

No. There are so many productive ways you could spend your time instead.